STOP SAYING “HOW ARE YOU?” – SAY THESE INSTEAD

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13 ALTERNATIVES [3 CATEGORIES]

CASUAL

  1. “What’s up?”
    • Reasons
      • Creates an immediate casual, friendly atmosphere that puts people at ease
      • Invites open-ended responses about anything current or interesting in their life
      • Works perfectly for quick interactions when you don’t have time for lengthy conversations
    • When to use it
      • Running into a college friend at a coffee shop on campus
      • Texting a close friend when you see them online on a messaging app
  2. “How’s it going?”
    • Reasons
      • Strikes a perfect balance between caring and casual, suitable for most relationships
      • Allows the other person to choose their level of detail in responding
      • Conveys genuine interest while maintaining comfortable social boundaries
    • When to use it
      • Greeting a neighbor while checking your mailbox
      • Starting a conversation with a coworker you’re friendly with in the break room
  3. “How are things?”
    • Reasons
      • Opens the door for discussion about multiple aspects of someone’s life (work, family, etc.)
      • Shows you care about their overall situation, not just their immediate mood
      • Gives people permission to share what’s most important to them at the moment
    • When to use it
      • Catching up with a friend you haven’t seen in a few weeks at a casual gathering
      • Calling a family member for a regular check-in conversation
  4. “What’s new?”
    • Reasons
      • Specifically invites the sharing of recent developments, updates, or exciting news
      • Shows active interest in their life progression and changes
      • Creates opportunities to celebrate achievements or offer support for challenges
    • When to use it
      • Meeting up with a friend for lunch after not seeing them for a month
      • Greeting a classmate at the beginning of a new semester
  5. “How’ve you been?”
    • Reasons
      • Acknowledges the passage of time since your last interaction, showing thoughtfulness
      • Invites a more comprehensive update rather than just the current mood
      • Demonstrates that you remember and value your relationship with them
    • When to use it
      • Reuniting with an old friend at a high school reunion
      • Running into a former coworker at the grocery store after several months

MODERATELY CASUAL

  1. “How are you holding up?”
    • Reasons
      • Shows awareness that they might be going through difficulties without being intrusive
      • Conveys empathy and emotional support, making it clear you care about their well-being
      • Invites honest responses about struggles while giving them permission to keep things light
    • When to use it
      • Checking in with a friend whose parent recently passed away
      • Speaking with a colleague who’s been dealing with a heavy workload and tight deadlines
  2. “How’s your day treating you?”
    • Reasons
      • Personalizes the question by framing their day as an active experience
      • Invites storytelling about specific events or experiences from their day
      • Shows creativity in conversation while maintaining a genuine interest
    • When to use it
      • Greeting a regular customer at your small business with whom you’ve built rapport
      • Starting a conversation with someone you’re getting to know better on a casual date
  3. “What’s happening in your world?”
    • Reasons
      • Acknowledges that each person has their own unique sphere of experiences
      • Invites comprehensive sharing about various life domains (work, relationships, hobbies)
      • Creates space for them to share what feels most significant to them
    • When to use it
      • Video calling a sibling who lives in another city for your monthly catch-up
      • Meeting with a friend who has a very different lifestyle or career from yours
  4. “How are you feeling today?”
    • Reasons
      • Focuses specifically on emotional and mental well-being, showing emotional intelligence
      • Invites more honest, vulnerable responses than purely factual updates
      • Demonstrates that you value their inner experience, not just external circumstances
    • When to use it
      • Checking in with a friend who mentioned they were stressed about an upcoming job interview
      • Speaking with a family member who’s been going through a difficult time emotionally
  5. “How’s life?”
    • Reasons
      • Encompasses the broadest possible scope, allowing them to share whatever feels important
      • Conveys that you’re interested in their overall life experience and satisfaction
      • Shows you value them as a whole person, not just their immediate circumstances
    • When to use it
      • Reconnecting with an old college roommate over drinks after a few years apart
      • Having a deeper conversation with someone you’ve moved from an acquaintance to a friend status with

MORE FORMAL

  1. “How have you been lately?”
    • Reasons
      • Strikes a balance between formal politeness and genuine personal interest
      • Appropriate for professional relationships where you want to show a human connection
      • Invites updates about recent developments without being overly casual
    • When to use it
      • Greeting a client you work with regularly at the start of a business meeting
      • Speaking with your child’s teacher during a parent-teacher conference
  2. “I hope you’re doing well?”
    • Reasons
      • Expresses genuine care and positive wishes before even hearing their response
      • Shows consideration and good intentions, setting a warm tone for interaction
      • Comes across as warm and genuine while maintaining professional boundaries
    • When to use it
      • Opening an email to a professional contact you haven’t communicated with in several months
      • Greeting someone at a networking event where you want to reconnect professionally
  3. “How are things with you?”
    • Reasons
      • Adds a personal touch while maintaining appropriate formality
      • Shows interest in their specific situation and circumstances
      • Works well in semi-professional contexts where personal connection is valued
    • When to use it
      • Speaking with your boss during a brief encounter in the office hallway
      • Greeting a fellow parent at a school event, where you want to be friendly but maintain appropriate boundaries
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